Unconditionally. Letter to a Friend.

Your presence in my life is the reason I am finally able to truly love everything and everyone unconditionally. And at the same time, through this experience, I have come to understand that it is a result of what you have reflected to me - but it was my choice to act on what you have shown me. Just as no one can hold other people responsible for their failures, no one can hold other people responsible for their success. It seems like an odd thing to say at first - because we all know that people can and do greatly affect our lives. But above all else, it is ultimately up to us to choose what we do.


In essence, I've taught myself to love through the opportunities you have given me. Let me explain.


Attachment. It's normal for people to form attachments to people and things. But it creates a cycle of suffering for all involved. As humans, we are never satisfied. When we don't get what we want, we suffer. When we get what we DON'T want, we suffer. Even when we get EXACTLY what we want, we STILL suffer because we can't hold onto it forever. And, when we have a long list of attachments we feel we need in order to be happy... if just one of them goes unmet, it tends to overshadow the ones that have been met and, once again, we suffer.


When I say I love you - I am not looking for your approval. I am not merely trying to make a difference in your life to be special to you. I am who I am. You are who you are. And I don't need to be constantly told that I am special to you. There was a time when I felt as though I needed that reassurance from those in my life. I wanted to feel important, special, recognized, loved. But it's not something that can be felt through words. How do I know you care about me? I feel it. Spiritually. I see it in your eyes. I hear it in your voice. I feel it when you hug me. I see and hear the way you care about others in much the same way. It's a part of you, and all that you do - not the motions you go through by tossing words around.


I now recognize how people become dependent on others for recognition and reassurance - and how the cycle of control begins. If I build you up with a million compliments - which are nothing more than my opinion - you become dependent on those compliments and find yourself living to please me just so that my image of you won't change. And so begins the cycle of pain and control.


When I tell you how amazing you are, it is not based on anything you do for me. Although you do a lot for me, if you stopped tomorrow I would still see you as absolutely amazing. It's because I really see you for who you are. Whether I "benefit" from your kindness and love - you are still incredibly beautiful. If you walked out of my life tomorrow it would be extremely painful naturally... but if that became your chosen path I would not see you as any less beautiful.


You are free to believe the way you believe, walk the path you walk, indulge in what you enjoy and be who you are - whatever that may entail. If today I applaud you for an accomplishment - and tomorrow you renounce that passion, I shall applaud your new passions, whatever they may be. It's not the content of what you do that I love - it's the passion you put into it, the amount of yourself that you put into them.


It doesn't matter what you do, only how well you do it.


I hold no desires. If I hold a desire for something, my happiness will depend on attaining that desire. If I do not attain that desire, I will suffer. Once again, the pain of attachment and desire can enter the picture and take control.


I don't want to bring you up with praise today and then send you crashing down tomorrow if I disagree with something you believe. I don't want you to think that I will love you any less if you disagree with me on even the most important issues in my life. I pray that I never put you in a position where you become dependent on my praise to feel important. I don't ever want you to form an opinion of yourself based on what I do or do not say about you or to you. Although I do wish for you to form an amazingly strong and solid opinion of yourself... I want you to find it within yourself from your perspective.


As much as we try not to become dependent on others for our self-image we also have to make sure we try not to create situations in which others become dependent on us for their self-image.


It's true that compliments and complaints are one and the same - someone else's opinion of us. We can listen to them but once we accept them we have accepted someone else's opinion of us and we allow it to define us. If we agree with compliments it boosts our ego. If we agree with complaints and negative comments it drives us into the ground.


I've learned how to love through the unconditional acceptance and love that you have shown to me. When I say the word love, I mean that deep, spiritual love that just exists on a level the ego cannot touch.


I want you to have strong, deep connections with as many people in your life as you possibly can. I want you to share your love, your kindness and compassion with all the people you have in your life. I want people to know you like I do. I want others to see into your soul the way I can. I hope you give them that oportunity.


I never fully learned how to appreciate the concept of living in the moment until I experienced what I have experienced having you in my life throughout just the last few months. I understood the concept but couldn't put it into practice. And now I do it every day. Not just with you - with everyone else in my life, too. It's wonderful.


Before we got really close, I asked Spirit to show me how to love without attachment., how to maintain the kind of connection we have without forming the unhealthy attachment that creates suffering and destruction. And all my prayers were answered. And I can apply it to everyone else in my life.Other situations, too.


I'm not going to say that no one else can make me feel the way you do. Plenty of people contribute to the joy in my life. And you're one of them.


I'm not going to say that I care about you more than I've ever cared about anyone in my life. I care about everyone equally and truly. I love everyone in my life with all of my heart, including you.


But I will say that you are the first person I have been able to love so completely and purely - but not because of you - because of me. I wasn't capable before. And I'm just glad that you are in my life now... because a few years ago I wouldn't have been able to be so real.


I love you for who you are - in this moment, every moment, from now and for always. Whatever parts of you change - opinions, beliefs, desires, ideas... it doesn't matter - because everything we do, everything we say, what we like and dislike - is all subject to change. All that is external and has nothing to do with your core existence.


I am right and you are wrong! Words from E. Tolle

"Facts undoubtedly exist. If you say: "Light travels faster than sound," and someone else says the opposite is the case, you are obviously right, and he is wrong. The simple observation that lightning precedes thunder could confirm this. So not only are you right, but you know you are right.Is there any ego involved in this? Possibly, but not necessarily. If you are simply stating what you know to be true, the ego is not involved at all, because there is no identification. Identification with what? With mind and a mental position. Such identification, however, can easily creep in. If you find yourself saying, "Believe me, I know" or "Why do you never believe me?" then the ego has already crept in. It is hiding in the little word "me." A simple statement: "Light is faster than sound," although true, is now in the service of illusion, of ego. It has become contaminated with a false sense of "I"; it has become personalized, turned into a mental position. The "I" feels diminished or offended because somebody doesn't believe what "I" said.


Ego takes everything personally. Emotion arises, defensiveness, perhaps even aggression. Are you defending the truth? No, the truth, in any case, needs no defense. The light or sound does not care about what you or anybody else thinks. You are defending yourself, or rather the illusion of yourself, the mind-made substitute. It would be even more accurate to say that the illusion is defending itself. If even the simple and straightforward realm of facts can lend itself to egoic distortion and illusion, how much more so the less tangible realm of opinions, viewpoints, and judgments, all of them thought forms that can easily become infused with a sense of "I."


Every ego confuses opinions and viewpoints with facts. Furthermore, it cannot tell the difference between an event and its reaction to that event. Every ego is a master of selective perception and distorted interpretation. Only through awareness - not through thinking - can you differentiate between fact and opinion. Only through awareness are you able to see: There is the situation and here is the anger I feel about it, and then realize there are other ways of approaching the situation, other ways of seeing it and dealing with it. Only through awareness can you see the totality of the situation or person instead of adopting one limited perspective."


-Eckhart Tolle (A New Earth)


Proud to be an American?

Thousands of our children are murdered with firearms every year; many of them at school. Thousands more arm themselves daily with guns "just in case" they need them, and it's only a matter of time before an altercation will bring about their decision to pull the trigger.


Sure, the fifth amendment secures our right to bear arms… but what about our responsibility to provide a safe place for our children?


How selfish have we become, that we can put our hobbies, interests and "rights" before the lives of our own children? When constructing the Constitution, those involved in the process had no idea that school children would be gunning down their classmates and teachers and using their document as "proof" that there is nothing wrong with bearing arms.


Yes, if people pick up a gun and kill someone with it, they have made a choice. Guns don't kill people, but people with guns kill people. We know that some people who buy guns will misuse them to kill and injure other people, so why do we keep giving them the tools to carry out these acts of violence? Because we have the "right" to own a gun? Because we like to shoot at little round targets? Because we really need to hunt for our food in order to survive?


When children abuse their toys, as parents, we take those toys away until they learn not to abuse them. Are we going to wait until every child in America kills someone else's child and then take away their gun privileges?


Wake up, America. There is no such thing as gun control.


Okay, so we can't ban guns all together and it seems like there's nothing we can do to prevent our children from amassing an arsenal…


Or is there?


Sometimes parents give their violent children guns, hoping it will act as a form of catharsis. Like Kip Kinkel's parents — whom he shot to death a day before he shot up Thurston High School. They even taught him gun safety. Here's a better lesson plan: teach your child the meaning of the word, "no." You're the parent and they are the child. Unfortunately for Bill and Faith, their mistake cost them their lives.


Sometimes kids just steal the guns from their parents. Well, if you're a parent you have no business owning a gun that your child is aware of. Period. A harsh lesson T.J. Solomon's parents learned when he used their readily available guns to shoot up Heritage High School one month after Columbine. A locked cabinet isn't going to keep a kid out, so don't kid yourself. Sometimes parents don't have guns and kids just steal guns from their neighbors, right? Like Michael Carneal did before he killed his classmates at Heath High School. But a grown adult shouldn't even make a child aware of the fact that they have guns let alone teach them how to shoot. Oh, but sometimes in the South it's tradition for a father to teach his son how to shoot before he's three years old. Like this young lad:


That's Andrew Golden. At age 11, he helped Mitchell Johnson kill four female students, a pregnant teacher and wound 10 others. Andrew is due to be released this year, on May 25 2007, when he turns 21. Mitchell was already released nearly two years ago and his record has been wiped clean. He's legally able to own a handgun, and even after killing people he apparently has no problem owning a gun. He and his roommate - a guy who killed his father with a crossbow - were recently caught driving around with drugs and a gun in the back of their car.


There are a million ways for kids to get their guns. Don't be an enabler.


Be safe, not sorry.


To those who use a "legal sale" and a "clear background check" as a crutch after selling a gun to someone like Cho:


Take responsibility for facilitating murder. Whether the sale was legal or not, you facilitated the purchase of the murder weapon. Knowingly or not, you enabled murder. You are responsible for providing the murder weapon, legal sale or not. Don't get me wrong, you aren't solely to blame and had nothing to do with the decision Cho made to kill. You simply enabled him to go through with his plans.


I know, I know. What could you do? He did, after all, have a clean background check and the purchase was 100% legal. And owning a gun shop is how you earn your income.


Here's a thought, and this is just my opinion…


Plenty of people, millions in fact, make a living off of facilitating something positive and productive that doesn't enable people to live out their violent fantasies. Maybe it's time for a career change?


You have the right to bear arms.


Our children have the right to life.


Which is more important?




it's not just the sound of the ocean which comforts me.


it's the idea of her depth remaining unknown to me no matter how deeply i swim.


it's the mystery which surrounds her beautiful tide breaking in harmony with the music inside my head...


contrary to the rest - i find joy in not knowing everything. mystery serves a purpose, you know.


i find joy in sharing beautiful people and experiences with others rather than chaining them to experience only that which exists in my world. when someone makes me feel wonderful - i wish for everyone in their life to be able to experience that piece of their soul so they may feel as good as i do.


it's time to start over. from the end. because with the end comes a new beginning.


i can't explain the love i feel for all humanity right now. it extends beyond anything i can put into words. i used to love with my heart. and now i love with my soul.


... everything changes when you meet an Angel.


or rather, discover one among those you already know and love.





Emotions directly affect the physical structure of our DNA. That structure of our DNA directly shapes the physical world we experience.


I tend to forget that these events are a mirror for me to see what I need to cleanse within myself - internally.


It's not there for me to fight externally. It's there for me to conquer inwardly.

They're my mirror; I am theirs.


It's really that simple.



"Whenever I have to justify, the truth I speak to you becomes my white lie."

The world we experience through absorption of energy directly in the moment is not the world we describe to the people in our lives. Words build walls that keep the depth and real meaning from passing through. Everything important seems to be lost in translation.  It's not possible to translate in whole what the heart feels through words. What is felt must be felt. That is the ultimate truth. All words are lies, somewhere, to someone.


Words are a form of linear communication. Whether they are spoken, written or read silently - their messages are conveyed in a linear fashion to describe events of the past... as opposed to pure absorption of a situation which can only be done in the moment. Not before and not afterward.


Words are always a lie to someone. Words taint the truth. Words are just tools to communicate knowledge and we all know that knowledge is just a collection of other people's stories reiterated and memorized by other storytellers. Words describe moments which have passed - they can never describe the present moment simply because by the time words are spoken or expressed, the moment has passed, and will never be again.


Without words there can be no lies. The only way to experience pure, untainted truth, is to experience each moment WITHIN the moment, silently...


When we absorb a moment in our lives our heart allows us to experience it in full on the inside. Silently. Privately. We absorb every detail. Our thoughts race in a non-linear fashion in ways indescribable to others. We aren't afraid to think and feel the depth that presents itself to us. But on the outside, other people demand "knowledge" of what we have experienced. That's what creates the problem. We want to be able to tell others what our heart feels but we can't for so many reasons. First, we cannot accurately translate feelings to words simply because emotions have to be felt to be fully understood. Words, when expressed to others, will automatically be interpreted based on an individual's life experiences. People relate our words to their life experience, not ours. So already words become a barrier of complications that actually prevent people from really understanding what we've experienced in our heart.


When you love someone in this moment - right now - yesterday shouldn't matter and tomorrow shouldn't exist.


Words are what directly cause misunderstandings and lead to the lies we all tell each other. When we feel what's inside someone else's heart through absorption, we can't possibly misinterpret absolute truth. The heart never lies. It's only when we use words to try to explain to people what we feel that things fall apart. We feel pressure to meet expectations and when we can't meet them we feel shame, guilt and sometimes embarrassment. We feel pressure to gain approval from others, and, based on the idea that people won't like us or accept us unless we do what -they- want... sometimes we try to change our behavior to fit what we believe other people want from us. We let others take advantage of us and we lose our innate ability to stand up for ourselves because we become conditioned to please others above all else.


Is it too idealistic to want to have the opportunity to absorb the truth of what is in each others hearts? When are we actually able to absorb the truth the heart speaks? The reality is we don't always get that chance with everyone, unfortunately. The only way is for others to provide us with that chance - and vice versa. Not everyone is comfortable with that.


When we use words to describe to people what we feel, they become confused if we can't explain it to their satisfaction or expectations. Perhaps our words don't match what they view as their contribution to our lives. Not by any fault of our own... but the failure of our choice of words to be powerful enough to convey the depth of what we feel in our hearts might cause people to feel not good enough, like they've failed somehow...


Thus exaggeration is born. Telling people what they want to hear. Sometimes honestly believing that it's truth simply because we want it to be truth.


Daily conversation is just a form of communicating knowledge. Knowledge is always tainted to some degree. It's as though the world is playing a constant game of "telephone" but there are no operators waiting to help us determine truth from fiction in our own lives let alone anyone else's.


And once we've been conditioned to transform our own feelings, deny what our heart feels, cover up our true emotions... all because other people hold us to impossible expectations and demand words from us... we embody the lie that becomes our truth.


"Whenever I have to justify,

The truth I speak to you becomes my white lie..."


Once we lie, we feel the need to apologize when it is discovered. But what are apologies? They are just more confusing, complicated words. But they shouldn't be. Apologies should be delivered unspoken, untainted... as pure communication from one heart to another. For most people - apologies are never enough. Why? Because they're just words.


The best apologies are not really apologies at all and are non-verbal expressions of truth. Once the truth is known, is an apology really necessary? Non-verbal apologies don't allow us to hold onto our anger. Why? Because once we feel what is in someone else's heart we cannot hold onto our anger anymore. The direct result of absorption of the truth is that it replaces the past instantaneously.


What happens when someone doesn't accept our apology?


Unaccepted apologies are a way of saying the right combination of words and actions has not been expressed; our expectations have not been met. We force people to keep trying and trying until they've said the right thing at the right time even though it's never enough for most people. It's never enough because it's not real. Words are not real. But when you apologize through absorption and transference of energy - when you speak FROM the heart TO the heart - it leaves no chance of being unaccepted simply because the heart cannot reject the truth of what another heart feels.


There is a reason for everything I say and do.

No matter what goes on in this world with anyone or anything... I form no opinions, I don't hold onto things, I don't allow the drama of judgment to enter my life and if I am unresponsive or absent please don't take it personally. It doesn't mean I think anything negative or hurtful toward anyone. It just means that the situation requires me to be passive and step back from everything that is going on because it's not my situation.


All it takes is one person to taint someone else's perception of a situation. We are all just reiterating someone else's story. Someone else's lies. We are all storytellers in this world, and when we experience something we interpret that and reflect it back into the world in such a way that may or may not be real. Then, others take our stories, change them to fit their perspective and retell them. And the cycle continues. There is no such thing as first hand information. Everything is misunderstood to an extent.


Don't believe anybody. Not even yourself But listen. Listen to them, learn to listen but don't believe. Everyone is telling a story that is true for them - and what they say may not be true for anyone else. Perception shapes everything. Especially negative perceptions. Your outlook on life is going to shape the way you perceive the people in your life and what they have to say.


When people speak to you, you have no idea who is speaking through them. Is it them? Their heart? Their integrity? Or is it the prince of lies who lives inside their head? The liar that lives inside their head who is constantly telling them they aren't good enough, strong enough, smart enough, pretty enough... really, who is it speaking through them? Are they angry? Hurt? How much of their emotional state of mind is shaping what they say and who they talk about?


Learn to listen without judging them. Sometimes they don't know it's their perspective on life that is causing them to lie.


Be impeccable with your word...

Impeccable: flawless, incapable of sinning, perfect.


It's one of the hardest of the agreements to follow and maintain because of human nature. We all get upset from time to time and vent to other people about the problems we experience in our lives with others. If we misunderstand a situation, or if we are at fault and don't want to believe it, we project the fault onto the other person in our conversations with our friends. We are looking for someone to justify or rationalize our already incorrect feelings. We don't really want the truth - we just want to be validated. And most people in our lives take on our projected opinion of the person who has hurt us or uspet us, even if they've never met them.


A wise person will suspend judgment no matter what is said.


When someone comes to you in order to vent about a situation or person in their lives that is bothering them - don't take on their anger and use that to form an opinion about the person who has hurt them.


Anyway, just because I see a situation as unhealthy doesn't mean I think terribly of anyone involved. An unhealthy situation is pretty easy to spot. But it takes two to tango, and some circumstances in separate lives just don't mix well. No matter how much we want to hang onto those situations and people... they aren't healty situations to hang onto. Sometimes you just have to let go when you can't fix it.


If you find yourself in a situation where everyone around you has formed negative opinions of people they've never met - ask yourself why. Ask yourself to pay attention next time to the way you present the situation - the way you talk about the people involved - and more often than not, you'll find that you are the direct cause of those negative opinions.


If you constantly talk down about people, parade them out to be horrible people who are out to get you, out to hurt you, and are completely unstable and questionable people... chances are people in your life are going to believe you and form a similar opinion. And when you backpedal and say, "oh wait, nevermind, they're not that way at all!" people will have a hard time believing you after all that you've said.


So that's why it's important to be impeccable with your word. We all need to practice this. It doesn't just affect our own lives, it affects everyone around us, too.



Treasures scattered far & wide

Treasures scattered far and wide,

Through the sandy shore;

Solitude becomes the tide,

Bringing peace once more.


A perfect place for you to hide,

Dissolve into the Blue;

Your soul as deep as hers is wide,

The ocean welcomes you.



It's just a piece of paper.

But I notice that your walls have all fallen --

I see through the pain of a faded smile,

through lips that rest in wait of breath;

a tool to deliver messages

of soft-spoken compassion.


I don't exist in that moment --

It's just a piece of paper.

But the light from your brilliant eyes

still emanates from the source

and draws attention to the core;

You can't hide your beauty


Even through a piece of paper

silent lips and silent eyes...

I see beneath the pain

to a world of beauty full of life.

Don't you see?

don't you see...

The Universe is literal.

The Universe is Literal. Remember that.

Now that I have found my life coming together in such a way where I am achieving my dreams and goals on a daily basis... I'm thinking about how I got to this point.


Not long ago I said, "God, I'll give up this if I can have that..."

And so it was. Why? Because... I was able to recognize a simple fact:


This is something I wanted but that is something I've needed for a long time. The only reason I had so much of this in my life is because that's all I ever focused on.


When I committed to giving up this in order to get that, I was under the impression that I would truly be giving something up - that I would miss it once it was gone... that I would feel loss, pain... but no.


The fact that I was truly committed to giving up what I wanted in order to get what I needed is exactly what swept the desire for that which I do not need away from me. It has served its purpose but is no more. I do not miss what I have given up.


There are, however, conditions to my newly found path in life. The irony is that I was the one who created those conditions!


The Universe is literal. You get what you ask for. If you're not specific enough, whatever you ask for will float right by you without making itself known. Not being specific just makes it harder for you to see your dreams as life hands them to you.


Timing is everything. I cannot stress that enough. Things need to happen on the right timeline.


What were my exact words? How many years did I agree to? I said three years, I believe. And things are falling in line with that timeline. Specific details that seem impossible. And everytime I start to talk about the timeline I agreed to, I feel intense energy around me. It feels like validation. Not just because I want validation or expect validation... it's real.

Now that I'm experiencing something that is actually real, I see and understand how I projected what I wanted onto a previous situation, and I see how it wasn't real. I see how I twisted things and convinced myself it was real just because I wanted it to be. I can see my own projections on the wall.


And this is not a projection.



Don't be surprised if you have to give up what you think you want in order to get what you need. Such is the law of this Universe. Sometimes you have to close your own doors before new ones will open. And sometimes you have to open them, too. Life doesn't run on auto pilot all the time.



Carry Each Moment...

Carry each joyful moment with you as though it hasn't passed; but do not allow your happiness to depend upon your ability to recreate those moments - you can never recreate them and you will die trying.


If you set conditions on your happiness - "I'll be happy if only I could experience -this- once more, or -that- for the first time" - you will spend the rest of your life trying to relive the past -- and the present moment -- the Here and Now -- will escape your consciousness as though it is your final breath on this Earth.


When you experience something wonderful and amazing - the healthy way to hold onto it is to continue to allow yourself to feel the way you felt while you were in that moment - without the pain of wishing to be in that moment once again. You don't need to be in that moment to feel its joy. Be as joyous now as you were then.


Don't allow yourself to become addicted to conditional happiness. When your happiness depends on any person, place or thing - your emotions will turn into a rollercoaster disaster. Change is constant - people come and go in our lives, our current location changes day to day and possessions disappear without warning.


When you are happy - truly happy at the core of your soul - you can love everyone and everything around you with all of your heart yet love just the same if it all disappeared tomorrow. Why? Because being truly happy is all about living in the moment.


Unconditional happiness. Stop looking for a reason to be happy. Stop looking for a reason to love. Just Love.


Don't just tell me...

Don't just tell me you love me; Love me.


Don't just tell me I'm amazing; be specific. Tell me why you see me that way.


Don't just tell me I'm beautiful, tell me what makes it so in your opinion.


Don't tell me that I'm the best thing that ever happened to you. There are plenty of other wonderful people in your life, who at one point heard you say the same thing to them. Don't put me on a pedestal and don't forget about them!


Don't tell me you love me more than you've ever loved anyone in your life. It's not true, nor should it be. When you Love, you Love with the entirety of your heart. Each and every time. If you believe your Love is better received by me - that's different. But don't downplay the amount or strength of Love you have shared with other people in your life. I don't want to be the center of your world, I just want to be a part of it. YOU are the center of your world and everyone else is in orbit.


When I ask you why you think I'm amazing, or beautiful - give me answers that don't revolve around what I have done for you or how I have made you feel... tell me how the above statements are true without making any reference to yourself.


Don't just speak those empty words that carry people for a while and then burn them like the six of cups turning over to reveal the ten of swords. Happiness can turn to ruin if left to grow without substance.


It's not the words that make me feel good - it's the substance behind them that makes an impact. Compliments are all too easily given without reason. People feel compelled to say certain things at certain times. Why? To inflate the other person? To flatter them? It's empty.


I don't want to depend on compliments nor complaints to shape my life; to be who I am. It's all just a matter of opinion, either way. Compliments and complaints are one and the same - someone else's opinion. If you allow yourself to ride on either one, they will destroy you in the end.




I am trying to understand what drives people to suddenly become unhappy when someone they love develops a meaningful connection with someone else. If I develop a new connection with someone in my life, that does not diminish the existing connections I have with anyone. Why does the progression of my ability to deeply connect with multiple people somehow trigger people to become unhappy and jealous? Everyone in my life is important. If the only way you can make yourself feel better about someone you love developing more close connections in their life is to degrade their other connections and boost your own ego by saying what you have is better and stronger than what they have with others... you aren't really living in the moment and enjoying your connection with that person. If you are completely happy and content until you see that someone else has something you don't have... think about why you enjoyed the connection to begin with. Do you enjoy the connection because you enjoy feeling like the most important person in someone's life? Is it the status of being at the top above everyone else? Or is it the actual connection between you and the other person that brings you joy? If it's the actual connection then nothing can sever it. No matter what kind of connections they have with other people. No matter how many people they share a deeper connection with in your perception.

It's okay to recognize certain connections as deper than others. But deeper doesn't equal more important. Think about it. We all have multiple connections with people in our lives and those we connect with the deepest may only have shallow connections with other people. We need a variety of connections in our lives to be who we are and live a happy and fulfilling life. But be careful. Sometimes the deepest connections are those which you least expect. Those which defy every aspect of logic and experience you have ever known. The question is whether you will be able to let go of your ego enough to recognize when this happens...




... people are so afraid to lose what they have that they try to chain down what they love. People, things. They chain everyone around them down until finally they start gnawing off their own legs just to escape...


Don't chain down or clip the wings of those you love - allow them to fly freely and follow their own life path. Enjoy the time when their path intersects with yours. When their spirit soars across your night's sky - embrace that beauty and express that love and appreciation freely... but realize the moment you chain them down is the moment that beauty will disappear.


Think about it.


If you stand in awe of someone because of who they are and you admire them while they're on their life path... once you chain them down to yours, they can no longer walk along their own path. Tied to you, they can only be dragged across unfamiliar terrain by their necks. And where is the beauty in that?


By chaining down someone's beauty you will lose it. As long as they're in your chains, you'll never see their soul glide across your night's sky. Isn't that what draws you in?


Selfless love. Love is selfless. Selfless love is being able to admire someone's beauty, their path, their passion - and support them in whatever direction they want to go in - even if you're not included in their master plan. Love for the sake of loving. Not for what you may get in return. Put aside your wants and needs and think about it. Pack up your chains. Pull up the anchor. It's time to set sail...



Enjoy the Silence. EcneliS eht yojnE

Silence doesn't have to be awkward. If given the chance to experience it - embrace it. It's only uncomfortable for a short moment. I promise.


Embrace the silence with every breath you take as if your life depends on the harmonious mixture of oxygen and stillness...


Connections are important in this lifetime. So why are we all distracted by things that don't matter? People are afraid of getting close. Being open. Existing purely for the sake of unconditional love.


When you walk past a tree, or gaze up at the stars, do you look at them with as much admiration and love that you do for the people in your life?


Unconditional love. Humans could stand to learn something about this subject from the trees. A tree never withholds its love from anyone or anything for any reason. Not even those who chop them down, pick at their leaves and branches and seek to destroy them. No, a tree will provide shade unconditionally until the last moment possible, never wavering.


Don't you think we all ought to strive to be more like the trees? After all, remember that we need them to survive - but they don't need us. So who's the higher species? Humans? Or Douglas Fir?


Connections. Everyone has connections with others in their life. Every connection is different - and it should be. We all need a wide variety of people in our lives to feel complete. One person cannot be everything to anyone. Ever. If that's what you're looking for, you'll never find it.


The problem people have in relationships is that their insecurities compare them to everyone else, and rather than just experiencing what they currently have with someone they long for someone else's connection.


Don't they know that they are perfectly capable of developing their existing connections so much more deeply than they already are, and that they have the capacity to develop something wonderful that transcends even the other connections they long for? Connections are built, not poofed into existence. All you have to do is concentrate on what's in front of you. Don't look to the past; don't look to the future. Just look straight ahead. Look at your feet if you have to, to keep your attention from wandering... eventually you'll be able to adjust your focus... and sharpen your view. Words to live by. FA SHO, FA SHO!


But seriously, people, the connections you have with people in your life are all going to be very, very different. Embrace that. Don't compare yourself to other people! Don't compare connections! You can't, it's just going to drive you crazy.


Sometimes people have deeper connections with others in their life and you will never have a connection with them on that level but realize that's okay! And it doesn't make those connections any less meaningful. Instead of being depressed about not automatically having a deep connection HANDED to you by God, look at it as an opportunity to DEVELOP that deeper connection. You know, make the effort?


Stop distracting yourselves. Embrace the silence. Embrace the awkward moments and realize that you don't have to fill the silence with meaningless drivel. You don't have to entertain each other constantly. Once you experience the depth that silence has to offer you'll experience something amazing.


Absorb the people in your life, don't just keep them at an arm's length. Pull them closer. Make the effort. Don't ignore your instincts and don't be afraid.


I have something really incredibly wonderful with a few people in my life and it's all because I wasn't afraid to pull them closer.



Infinity. Linear reality. Polarity.

I'm not the only one. - I know who the other lightworkers are in my life, although some do not know who they are yet. It has not come to be. When I received my messages, I did not receive them from any outside source. It was always within. Although, outside influence has played a part. Going back to the first lesson, I can remember sitting down as a child, contemplating death. I do not believe it was innocence that kept me from understanding but rather my perception of the physical body. I didn't need to be told there was more; there just was. I didn't need to be told about God; I just knew. Now, before anyone thinks I've turned into a worshipping religious nut please, heed these words. God is not what you or I know, or can even comprehend. God is not a man, nor an animal. God is not one, and is not of any traditions. We are pieces of God. Every one of us. God; the very word makes some a bit uncomfortable, but please know I am not refering to the God everyone misunderstands. I am refering to an energy of which none of us have conscious knowledge of although we think we do.


Concepts flooded my mind at times, but being so young, I did not know what to do with it all. I stored thousands of ideas and theories in my subconscious memory for years, until I became aware of my ability to translate these ideas to paper through the written word, of course, in a linear fashion. At the time I was not aware of the possibility of storing and retrieving information in a non-linear fashion. One of the first concepts from my childhood to hit me hard was that of what we, as humans call 'infinity.' Sitting backed up against a brick wall about 50 yards from my place of employment, I held a tiny journal in my hands as I began to jot down reminders. These reminders turned into detailed diagrams and paragraphs concerning the infinite properties of a circle. There is no beginning until mankind makes one by placing the pencil upon the paper. And so it began. The concept of creating linearity (is that a word?) out of something non-linear.


Explain to me, the feeling you get when you experience infinite concepts. Can you? Would you be able to differentiate between the feeling of emptiness, nothingness, and infinity? Let me tell you, they are the same. In terms of feeling, they are the same. It has been said by some that humans may not grasp the concept of infinity simply because we are bound by a polar reality... although even that very polarity has changed over time. For every up there must be a down; for every right there must be a wrong. Every action returns yet another reaction which has a start and has an end. Infinity isn't possible to comprehend, whether it exists or not, the idea alone defies every known law on this planet.


I grasped it. As a child. I didn't just feel it, or see it. I experienced it. I existed infinitely, perhaps out of my own consciousness. I feel I've lost so much time. It's been too long since then, and those were the days when things were easier. Meditation should bring this feeling back, although it has not. It's frightening, experiencing it as I did... it leaves a sense of wonder and confusion when you return... as you transcend humanity to reach this feeling momentarily and once you return you carry the resonating energy with you yet your mind and body have come back to linear reality. This is what causes the uneasy feeling. Although this is the case, I would love to feel this again.





Enlightenment - What you see is not always what it appears to be. You may believe that your best friend who has been murdered appeared to you the day after his death because he was "confused" and didn't know he was dead. You may believe that he came to you for help, and that it was your duty to free him, 'show him the light' and help him to the other side peacefully.


But think about this for a moment. One minute you are so distraught having had no closure with the death of your closest friend... and the next minute, he comes to you and you feel you need to help him. Doesn't that put your mind at ease? Knowing you helped your friend 'cross over' and 'find the light?'


I ask you now, was he lost? Did he come to you to be helped? Or did he come to help you ...




Nonlinear Communication

Nonlinear Communication. A subject I have struggled to explain all my life. I once explained it as being able to take in an entire lifetime worth of memories and experiences in one instant. Now I believe I can explain it better. You must understand that I have decided to 'come out' and be who I always have been, yet have never been able to be. Everything you've seen is true; albeit it has been a journey for self & world enlightenment as I am a Lightworker, in the middle of a rather tough lesson. As you are reading my words, everything is linear. The words have been placed next to each other, one letter at a time, right after the other, word after word, in a straight line. It is all linear. You must take in one letter at a time, one word at a time, in order to form one sentence of one paragraph of one idea. How long does it take you to read one paragraph? Five minutes? It takes time, which is also linear. Humans live in a linear world. The sun rises and sets at certain times, we live our lives according to a clock whether it be the clock on the wall or our biological clock which tells us when to sleep, when to eat, and when to wake up. The five minutes it takes for you to read this paragraph is a linear five minutes. You are taking in the information one bit at a time from beginning to end. There is a beginning and there is an end. Linear communication. It takes time for me to type this. Nonlinear communication consists of a single instant in which communication takes place such that entire loads of information is received without any 'method.' You "just know it" instantly. It is as if it is absorbed. No, this is not wishful thinking, this is the way it is. This is reality. Right now I am restricted by words. Restricted by typing. So much is lost. Nonlinear communication is something we all need to practice. It is something we must learn if we have not already. Grasping the concept alone is enough to be productive in this sense. We must tap into our spiritual energy enough to use this method of communication. The day will come where we will all be human yet this will be the only way.


conversation for one

a kitchen table; some fine wine

a conversation is how i wish to dine

but ideas fall on deaf ears

recycled into walls while my thoughts bounce down the halls

like basketballs waiting for a chance to pass -

dreams turn to fears, i need to switch gears

wondering how long i can last in this place

i don't even feel like i have my own space

almost a decade and the walls are bare

cant seem to be comfortable anywhere

simplicity speaks but has no wings, no feet, no substance -

i scream defeat

dedicated - i relate it to the dreams in my mind

while i'm walking up the path you never thought i would find

still these empty walls, they echo dreams

of conversation by any means



Unconditional Love

"Unconditional love is when you love with an open heart no matter the condition of other people's hearts. It's putting aside your own wants and needs and loving for the simple sake of loving - expecting nothing in return, and not being disappointed if it goes ignored."


I think a lot of people forget to love without expectations. Everything we do in life is an expression of love when it comes from the heart. Even something small that seems like it's devoid of all meaning. Doing favors for people, helping them out with their daily tasks, taking the time out to talk to them, or give something to them even if it's just a smile - and too many people are so willing to quickly pull that love back when they don't find immediate gratification returned to them and they don't get what they want.


We all face that same challenge at different times in our lives -- feeling that our efforts are unappreciated and we have wasted our time... and perhaps we have failed, maybe we think our love wasn't good enough because people don't seem to care - but when we love with an open and honest heart, we can never fail.


Love in all forms in the moment is always sweet. It's only when we start to move out of the present moment that it turns bittersweet -- when we think of the past or worry about the future or drag our thoughts somewhere beyond the here and now.


When people ask me how to be a better person, I tell them to be more like a tree. Trees don't withhold their shade from anything or anyone - not even the bugs who eat their bark nor the humans who chop them down.

What is real?

Now I've learned what is real and what is not.

Part of my journey is learning to experience that feeling of euphoria through ways that do not create attachment or lead to pain and suffering as well as learning to transform the old methods which would previously lead to such pain and suffering into detached experiences where I can take with me the lesson but leave the experience behind.


I remember feeling the quietest peace many years ago - at night, on the beach, grounding myself in the soft sand connecting with the Earth in somewhat of a trance. It was the first time I felt removed from my body. It was blissful.


The third time I experienced this feeling was also at the beach; the same Pacific shore but a different location along the coast. I had gone somewhere beautiful where everything seemed to be more 'real' and colors appeared brighter.


The second time was through an artificial means of energy transference which occurred through human touch. I fell asleep in someone's arms and I awoke just the same.


The feeling of euphoria was the same throughout all three experiences although one simply led to a never ending feeling of need; co-dependency and failed expectations. My own fault, really. Now I've learned what is real and what is not.


As the storm came through this morning, I laid in bed staring out my open window at the tree just outside my room - bending and bowing in the wind, giving in but not giving up. I noticed the leaves were especially green. Hours passed. I must have fallen asleep. When I woke, I felt the same comfort I had felt having been held by someone all night long. I felt lighter than air. The feeling has yet to leave.


My mind wanders yet I find myself standing still, learning to recognize when my thoughts are irrational and based on ego and pointless worry. I never paid much attention to such thoughts since society has drilled the normality of such thoughts into my mind since I was a child. As soon as I relax and allow the thoughts to dissolve I am given reassurance that I am on the right path. Essentially - now I may choose to silence my mind and surrender my thoughts. I had to start with distractions at first - to take my mind off of things, go through the motions - but eventually it has become a part of me and is very real.


I'm reminded of my ability to hypnotize people since I was 10 years old - putting them into a trance-like state where they went immediately into REM and yet were more aware of the conscious world than they were when "awake." Colors were brighter in their visions, sounds were nearly deafening, physical touch was amplified. It's a state I can put others into but have never been able to experience for myself - until now.


Things are changing. Rapidly so.


I can't wait for the next step in my transformation.


"You're searching for your path in life even as you walk upon it."

Planning & Preparation

"Just handle what's in front of you now, and the future will take care of itself. Otherwise, you'll spend most of your life wondering which foot you'll use to step off the curb when you're still only halfway to the corner."


"What about planning ahead and preparing for the future?"


"Plans are useful, but don't get attached to them; life has too many surprises. Preparation, on the other hand, has value, even if the future you planned never comes."


I've understood this concept my whole life, however, until now I had not been able to actually put it into practice. Everyone seems so disappointed when things don't turn out the way they had "planned" but really, our plans rely on so many external factors - and other people - that we can't control our own plans at all. Plans change. People's beliefs, ideas and opinions change quite often as well. It's difficult to find the balance between going with the flow, bending with the world and maintaining your independence and building your own life according to your interests - without sacrificing your dreams - but it can be done.


Paths & Internal Development

"All paths, all activities -- professions, sports, arts, crafts -- serve as a means of internal development, merely a boat to get across the river. Once you get across, you no longer need the boat."


"You're searching for your path in life even as you walk upon it."


All my life I thought I was a bridge but in reality I was just crossing under the bridge on a boat I no longer need. I had been searching for my path while I was already on my path and I did not even know it. Now, I've reached the shore and am sending my boat out to sea - perhaps someone else may need it.


Faith & Belief

"Faith has little to do with belief. Faith is the courage to live your life as if everything that happens does so for your highest good and learning. Like it or not."


We cannot control everything in our lives whether we want to admit it or not. Even if you don't believe in a higher power, or God, or anything more than flesh and blood - everything that happens to us comes with an abundance of life's lessons and it is up to us to learn from it and move forward.


Prayers & The Greater Good

"Our prayers are always answered, but sometimes God says no."


"Why would God say no?"


"Why does a loving parent say no? Sometimes children's wants run counter to their needs. People turn to God when their foundations are shaking, only to discover it is God who's shaking them. The conscious mind cannot always foresee what is for the highest good."


People do turn to God when their foundations are shaking, but unfortunately many do not see that it is God shaking them. They believe that if they simply pray for God to save them then it will be so. When their prayers do not work they blame God and become full of anger and resent everything in their lives including God. But God alone can't save anyone - it's a team effort.  So pray as if everything depends on God but work hard as though everything depends on you.



God has no opposite

If  you have studied theology then you know that God has no opposite. Satan is -not- the opposite of God. There is no duality. Satan is the opposite of the unfallen archangel Michael, but God created Michael. There is no opposite and equal power. God is love. No matter what religion you are, God is pure, unconditional love. And consequently, love has no opposite.  Love is the true nature of the way things are in harmony with each other. Look at nature. It's the condition of the human mind that disrupts this balance. And you, my friends, are not defined by your mind.


I spoke to a man at the bus stop so freely - more so than I've ever had the energy to do before. He was a little older, 30 something perhaps, but it turns out he knows people from BOTH high schools I went to. His neighbor is my favorite art teacher from Cupertino. He named all of my favorite teachers from Lynbrook, and Miller, and reminded me of some names I had not thought about in a long time. One person in particular - a girl named Paula - and it made some interesting memories resurface. Oddly, he knew the stop I was getting off at as well.


Did he really exist? Or was I talking to myself again? I can recall plenty of times where I've been engaged in conversations at bus stops with older gentlemen who remind me of Socrates from Way of the Peaceful Warrior - who randomly provide me with insight on a subject I need to think about at that very moment, and then they suddenly disappear but there wasn't anywhere for them to go. No one around me even remembers seeing them let alone hearing me have a conversation. Is that not odd?

I walked the same path home that I always take - a solitary path for a few blocks in the residential neighborhood covered with trees whose leaves have turned bright orange, dark red and light yellow - cluttering the sidewalks, tops of bushes and leaving a few dangling from their branches... and it was as beautiful as it was the first time I ever walked that path. This is long-lasting. Finally. Peace.


When you speak, God listens.

The law of attraction is a very simple law - you get what you ask for even when you aren't aware you're asking. I've been reflecting on my life over the past couple of weeks and I've come to realize just how true that law is.


We don't always get what we want but we always get what we need. Unfortunately when we get what we need, we are usually too blind to recognize it since it comes in an undesirable form. Usually because life tries to show us we are wrong when we believe we are right and we refuse to surrender our pride.


All these years I thought I was asking for what I needed but it was just what I wanted. And I got every last bit of what I wanted. But what does it mean? What is it, really?


"Give people what they want until they want what you have to give them"


This is true in the highest sense possible. This is what God does, for all of us. Whatever you believe in as far as God goes - whether you call it God, Spirit, the Universe, it's all the same energy at play. God gives us what we want until we want what he has for us. The only way to get what you need without feeling cheated is to give your life to God. And I don't necessarily mean that in a religious way.


What does it mean to "give your life to God" and let go; to let God guide your life? I used to cringe at this notion because I thought it meant giving up control of the life I was meant to live and not making any decisions, just going with the flow. But that's not what it means. Letting go and giving control of your life to God means learning to bend and bow with the way things are as opposed to constantly living a struggle trying to change the outside world that really won't change no matter how hard you try. It means accepting our failures and learning from them rather than dwelling on them. It means trusting that there is a lesson to be learned in every waking moment of our lives - we just have to find it. Open our eyes. It really doesn't matter if you believe tragedies and shortcomings are "part of God's plan" or just tough luck - either way, they are a reality and we must all learn from them.


It's a mind trip thinking about the people in my life right now - we all have a past filled with violence, hatred, drugs, alcohol - a wide variety of pasts all across the board. And yet these things are in our past and that allows us to bond here and now. There are some people who will merely pass through your life in order to learn a lesson or teach a lesson. It doesn't mean that they aren't going to be an amazing friend to other people some day. They will. Someday. But for that time being they are in your life for another reason. So don't hate anyone who has crossed you, hurt you, or seemingly abandoned you. It's all for a reason and you are part of that person's path that will later allow them to be a better person for the people in their future.


Doesn't anyone see? We are all one and the same. My story is a part of your story is a part of someone else's story - all intertwined to create the bigger picture. Our experiences are all the same here on Earth - the only difference is timing. Timing is what determines whether someone will be a friend or an enemy. Timing is what determines whether we are able to accept or reject certain kinds of people. The friends I have today who love and support me would not have been able to be that friend to me ten years ago, even if they were who they are today. I wasn't receptive. I would have brought them down. They would have gotten tired of me. I would have destroyed it. But now that I've reached a certain level of awareness of my own life they are suddenly the greatest friends I've ever had.


You are your thoughts

It's truly amazing what happens when you find yourself awake for the first time since being a small child. I realize the folly of my inaction over the past year. When you ask God for opportunities you have to learn to make wise choices because you will get many opportunities and they will all be tempting, but not all will be right for you.


Just because you ask for something and get it immediately doesn't mean it's right for you or right with your true intentions and purpose. I learned discernment this year. I paid a hefty price but I've learned it well. When I finally realized that I didn't want what I had been asking for, I got exactly what I needed. It's not just what I needed, it's what we all needed. It truly was in accordance with the greater good. I believe I prolonged it by searching for something else.


I wish my fortune wasn't someone else's misfortune, although it may only appear to be such. Perhaps he is on a path toward some greater lesson and this will help him, too.


There is more clarity now than ever before. I'm thankful, because now I can see my way through my own tunnel.


Detachment is the key to living a fulfilled life. When you can say, "I love you as much as I can possibly love you... but it's okay if I never see you again" and truly mean it, live it and not just understand it - your world becomes brighter, you enjoy every moment and there is no source of suffering. We all struggle but making the effort is what counts. Do your best and you shall never fail.


Water the right seeds
nothing. everything. simplicity.
stand next to me.
          i want to breathe in silence of thought.
walk with me.
          i want to move seamlessly across the earth.
sit in silence with me.
          i want to believe.
stare out into the sea; across the ocean with me.
          i want to exist in the company of solitude.

No more victimization.
Here's why the story of Columbine captivates people who already feel like victims, and keeps them feeling like a victim and does not allow them to change their action-reaction behavior.

Prolonged sympathy prolongs the feeling of victimization. The more you are coddled, the longer you feel like a victim. The more you coddle others, the longer they feel like a victim. When you feel like a victim, everything people say and do that you don't like is going to "hurt" you and make you feel more like a victim. Pretty soon you react to everything you don't like that doesn't go your way as a victim.

It's okay to identify with feelings of persecution and understand them, but it isn't healthy to thrive on those feelings in yourself or in others. The more you attach yourself to a tragedy like Columbine from the stance of victimization, the more you are prolonging your personal feelings of victimization in your own life. I didn't see that until I passed through that situation and came out on the other side. Now I see it clearly in others. But I do not wish to change them or even make them aware of what they're doing. The fact that I can see it clearly in them serves no other purpose than to reflect back to me how I once was and to confirm that I have grown.

Knowledge - the true lesson of Adam and Eve - Toltec Wisdom

Knowledge is something we believe to be the most important part of our existence. We encourage our children to go to college and "learn" as much as they possibly can; gain as much knowledge as they possibly can. But the quest for knowledge itself perpetuates a lie we all live. Knowledge itself is a lie. A lie that is the central theme of our existence. The journey we embark upon that we believe will lead us to our destination of an achievement that will finally allow us to be happy is a lie. Knowledge itself is a lie.

I have come to understand how knowledge is truly the root of all evil. With knowledge comes an indeterminate number of lies because knowledge itself is a lie... based on lies.

"When Adam and Eve were living in the garden of Eden they lived without lies, without fear, without knowledge of good and evil, and without hate. They lived in pure love and truth with no knowledge to taint their perception. It truly was paradise. They lived in perfect harmony with all of creation. Living in pure love was completely effortless - it was their nature! God gave them free reign but told them to stay away from the Tree of Knowledge. He told them never to eat the fruit of that tree or they may die. But that death was not physical.

Curious, they approached the Tree of Knowledge and encountered the Prince of Lies - an eternal liar who lived inside that tree. Innocently, they trusted everything he said. They didn't know any better. They didn't know not to trust and love unconditionally and so they listened. Everything the Prince told them was a lie. And they believed him, every word. That is what it means to eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge: to believe the lies and put our faith in them. It taints our natural connection with God, the Earth, Nature and ourselves. It disrupts our natural understanding of unconditional love and trust.

When we eat a lie it lives inside of us and its seeds plant themselves within our hearts which grow and grow - until eventually we have an entire Tree of Knowledge living inside of us. We call it our belief system. But it's all a lie.

Before we ate the lies we lived in perfect truth and love. We knew nothing else but that. We lived only truth, we spoke only truth and we loved without fear. After we ate the fruit of lies we experienced guilt and shame. We believed the lies we had planted in our own head and began to judge ourselves as not good enough, not strong enough, not brave enough. We could no longer exist as ourselves. With our self-judgment came judging others. We began to suffer because we believed the lies we told ourselves as well as the lies others told us. We blamed ourselves, we blamed other people and we blamed God.

The original sin is not sex. The original sin is that we believed the lies told by the fallen angel. To sin is to go against - to believe in the lies against ourselves and use those lies against ourselves and others. From that first sin, the original lie, all other lies are born.

The biggest lie of all that we have unfortunately swallowed is that we are not.

We believe that we are not perfect. We are not good enough. We are not who we should be. Our teachers and parents perpetuate this lie by telling us that if we really work hard we can really be somebody one day. Instantly, we believe we are currently nobody and have this eternal quest to become somebody. We are told we are not perfect the way we are so we strive to achieve an arbitrary image of perfection - we strive to be what we are not and never will be. We crave approval and acceptance that would have come naturally, before we believed the lie that we are not already perfect.

Love and acceptance is withheld from us until we obey our teachers and parents and do what they want us to do, and become who they want us to be. We are told how to behave and how to act and we crave that acceptance and love so greatly that we do it without question. We want to be good, not bad. We want to be loved, not hated. So we shape our own behavior to gain love and acceptance that should exist without conditions. But thanks to the lies we have eaten, conditions exist.

When we find people who love and support us based on our current image, we become dependent upon that person for their approval and acceptance and they control our lives. We need their acceptance and love and become fearful that should our image change, we willl no longer have their approval. But we project many different images of ourselves to everyone, and all of them are lies. So in effect, we are all living multiple lies.

We spend our lives shaping our image based on what we believe we should be. Then we begin to believe that our image is actually who we are. We spend our whole lives surrounded with reminders of what we are not and what we should be, that we don't know who we actually are. Our image is what we have created and what others have created for us. But it isn't who we are."

Life is a journey, not a destination. There is no future or past, only this moment.  We believe we we are on a path to happiness by collecting achievements in the form of degrees and trophies; public recognition and applause. We base our whole lives around these achievements and our happiness depends on them. When we get them, we are happy for that moment but then it fades and we need more - and suddenly we are no longer happy. If we never gain those achievements we are never happy and we blame our unhappiness on our lack of achievement. We don't understand that our lack of happiness is caused by our belief that we are not.

Knowledge is the structure of everything we believe: concepts, ideas, opinions, etc. Everyone is a story teller. We project images, receive images and modify them and send them back to others. As soon as we perceive the absolute truth within ourselves, the lies can no longer survive. There is no turning back.

Water the right seeds
Every word is like a seed; whether it grows is up to us. Negative and positive words spoken over us are all seeds waiting to be watered before they will grow. Choose which words to water. Guard your thoughts with care. Be disciplined in your thoughts - get rid of the lies you've been told by others.

You have a dream, a purpose... a destiny that you can fulfill with or without the approval of others. Don't let your dreams ride on the approval of any one person or group. Don't put your faith in anyone else to make your dreams happen. If it is your God-given destiny, it will happen. You may have been told over the course of your entire life that you will never amount to anything, that you aren't strong enough or skilled enough; that you will never succeed. But don't drink that poison. Don't believe what they say because it isn't true.

People will try to talk you out of your dreams and aspirations and when they do, plug your ears. Smile, nod and be courteous but plug your ears.

Who are they to plant those negative seeds within your mind? Do not water those seeds no matter who they come from. Do not even allow them to be placed beneath your soil. It is human nature for people to put their own limitations and failures onto others. Do not allow anyone else to place their limitations on your life! You are not limited by someone else's failure. Do not drink their poison.

Remember, even David's own family didn't believe in him and when he became King and faced Goliath his own brothers gave up on him and made him feel like a failure before he had the chance to prove himself. But he knew something that you need to know right now:

People don't need to believe in you in order for you to fulfill your destiny!

You may feel stuck sometimes, wanting the approval of certain people, bosses, co-workers or friends. Sometimes you will get that approval and support but there are some people in your life that you will never gain approval from. But you don't need their approval to move forward with your life's purpose. If you believe you can do it, you can and you will. As long as you water the right thoughts. As long as you reject the bad thoughts spoken over you. The right people will come into your life at the right time. You may find yourself working relentlessly on gaining the approval of someone you believe will carry you to your dream - only to find out that they not only disapprove of you but oppose you. Know that the only person who can carry you to your dream is you. Your destiny is not tied to anyone but you. God gave you a destiny and it is up to you to achieve it.

When people disapprove of you by discouraging you from chasing your dreams and achieving incredibly high goals, realize that is just a reflection of their own personal failures and the limitations they have set for themselves. it is a reflection of all the poison they have swallowed, all the negative words spoken over them they have believed and allowed to take root. Their hearts have grown over with weeds and they have lost sight of their own dreams so they pass that failure onto you. Do not let them do this!

Many people have been fed words of discouragement over the course of their lives and they have allowed those negative seeds to grow. They drank the poison which was poured for them and now they don't know how to do anything else. They are miserable in all aspects of their lives. They would rather fight than solve their problems or compromise. They feel perpetually victimized. They are unhappy and can't figure out what to do with their lives. Don't allow their negative seeds to take root in your life and keep you tied to their failures! Swim, don't sink. Fly, don't fall.

You are not what people call you; you are what you respond to. If you respond to the negative voices and disapproval of those around you, eventually that is what you will become.

Bottom line, you are not who your critics say you are. Tell your critics, "your lack of faith in me cannot cause me to give up." And then plug your ears and chase your dreams; fulfill your destiny.

If you don't, who will?

"We believe our theories on life, society and the human race are complete, correct and unflawed. We are willing to die for those beliefs. Not because we are courageous but because we would rather fight and die than compromise. And that is the biggest obstacle of human nature we must overcome before we may truly live in peace."


No Destination
A Martyr to our own insecurities
If we hold onto the past and those who we believe have destroyed us - not only do they remain in control, but eventually we become just like them. Destructive, broken and alone - just like them. We become a victim, a martyr to our own insecurities... just like them. We destroy everything around us... just like them.

Don't you see? You only think he broke you because he reflected to you, just how broken you already were inside. And then he couldn't fix you. But he didn't break you. You expected him to fix you and when he didn't you became painfully aware of the tattered condition of your own heart. It was easier to blame him for your condition than to pick yourself up off the floor and fix yourself.

Two broken wings can't allow a bird to fly.
Don't we all do that, though at some point in time? And when we aren't getting the sympathy we believe we deserve, we develop a martyr complex... and become a perpetual victim. A poor misunderstood victim of this society. Sometimes we don't even realize when we have a victim complex. Everytime people do something that doesn't conform to the way we want things to be, we create drama for ourselves by taking the stance of the victim. You hurt me, you made me mad, you made me angry, you broke my heart. When in reality - someone else just didn't meet your expectations.

Eventually in life, we experience something that shows us exactly who we've been to other people. And we recognize that we've been lying to ourselves and the world about who we truly are. We finally understand why we felt misunderstood and victimized. It was our own fault all along. When the people in our lives try to tell us what we are doing we cry out, ''you don't know me! You don't know anything about me! You're wrong! That wasn't my intention!'' But our actions speak for themselves. Our actions are a true testament to our character.

If what people are feeding back to you doesn't match who you believe you are, realize that the only ''YOU'' they know is the one you show.

''I watched you fly on paper wings, halfway 'round the world until they burned up in the atmosphere, sent you spiraling down, landing somewhere far from here with no one else around... to catch you falling down... and I'm looking at you now... and I can't tell if you're laughing... between each smile there's a tear in your eye... there's a train leaving town in an hour... it's not waiting for you, and neither am I...''

There is no destination.
In life, there is no destination, only a constant journey.

If you feel like others are ahead of you and getting to their destination in life faster than you, understand that they are not getting closer to an actual destination and even if they achieve the goal they are currently pursing, that is not a destination.

Life is a perpetual cycle of goals. Completing goals creates new goals. We don't just stop all activity once we get one thing we worked hard for, right? We continue, pursue more goals, and keep going. Goals are like stepping stones. They are walking across stepping stones, just as you are, going from one goal to the next, and at this point in time it may seem as though their next stepping stone is closer than your next, but opportunities present themselves at different times for different people and different paths. Have faith that you are in the right place at the right time. Sometimes you may see someone propelled to their next stepping stone so quickly it seems like life just picks them up like the wind and carefully places them ever so gently right on top of their next stepping stone while you struggle endlessly to even find your next stone. What you don't see is what's going on behind the scenes. Sometimes people are picked up quickly because an important opportunity is waiting. A person to meet; a conversation to engage in; a sight to see. Something that is necessary for their journey.

We've all been picked up and whisked away quickly and quietly to some of our own stepping stones. We just don't seem to notice it when it happens to us. We take it for granted because we just don't notice when it happens. We don't notice it because we aren't satisfied. Only when we are satisfied do we look around us and say, "wow, I'm here! I did it!" We are expecting satisfaction but we think of satisfaction as a final destination. And there is no destination thus we are perpetually searching for that satisfaction. Sometimes when we're subjected to more questions, more situations and opportunities and choices, we overlook the fact that perhaps we are the lucky ones - we are given multiple opportunities and choices and are able to go at our own pace, while others around us are literally whisked away suddenly and they have no other paths to choose from to follow their dreams.

Ah, but the grass is always greener, is it not? When we get whisked away we wish we had more choices; when we have all the choices in the world we wish life would just take us where we want to be.

But you have to understand that some people have mere inches between the stepping stones in their lives; others have miles. Some people's lives are paved solid with stepping stones and others are few and far between. But those stepping stones are not destinations. Once we reach one, we continue our path onto the next. It's never ending. It doesn't matter if someone else has reached their next stone before you have reached your next one. For all you know, that could be their first stepping stone while you've already reached hundreds in your lifetime. All that matters is that you are on your journey, actively pursing your life's dream.

Comparing yourself to other people and their path in life is like comparing apples to bears. Stay focused on your dream. When you have a longer journey than others between your stepping stones, the knowledge and wisdom you gain along the way will increase the quality of your life and allow you to reach your future  stepping stones without stumbling around or losing your balance.

Something that I don't think people really truly grasp about me is that I've reached a point in my life where my happiness truly does not depend on anyone else, nor any circumstances or surroundings. Not one bit. Things that bring me pleasure do so while they are here - and when they're gone, they don't take that pleasure with them. When they're gone, that pleasure is not suddenly invalidated, devalued or anything of the sort.

I'm immune to sympathy. Not that I don't understand people's need to console one another, but anything beyond one sentence of, "I'm sorry..." has no consoling effect on me. I must be perceived as rather cold at times because of my lack of response to continued sympathy, but really it has more to do with not being bothered much by the situation in the first place.

Many, many years ago I read a book about Love titled, "The Way to Love" by Anthony DeMello, and within the pages of this incredibly small book were words of wisdom I did not yet understand. One chapter suggested that in order to truly Love people in the moment, we must be able to love them just the same if they are no longer in our lives, no matter the reason. Other books I've read on the same subject all have the same main point - it's healthy to love people while they are in your life and feel no sadness or distress when they leave. The concept of not forming attachments yet maintaining complete Love for all people in your life seems contradictory - when we break up with our significant others, as humans we want them to feel horrible... it feeds our ego and makes us feel more important. The more control we have over others' emotions, the better we feel. This is something we must break free from.

I am by no means saying I have mastered this concept, but what I am saying is that I have experienced the absence of pain, regret, remorse, etc when people I care about have exited my life. Whether they chose to leave, I removed myself or they have passed on - I now know first hand what it feels like to experience the absence of negative, destructive emotions - like remorse, regret, longing, and anything else co-dependent in nature.

I have a hard time understanding why sometimes people tend to over-dramatize the sympathy they expend toward me when they learn that someone from my life is no longer part of my life simply because to me it's just matter-of-fact. A passage in time. An event.

I don't think people understand this very well. My lack of over-emotional fits of pity and doubt exists because I don't have the ability to feel regret. I never have. I've spoken the words at times in my life but I have never truly known what regret feels like. At times in my life I would feel bad for NOT feeling much of anything, and so I would say I regretted certain actions that I was told I should. As a child it seemed normal to say what people wanted to hear. Don't get me wrong, I have a conscience, and I am capable of feeling remorse. However, remorse and regret are two entirely different emotions. And to varying degrees, my remorse is not felt toward myself as self-hatred.

I don't sit around, beating myself up over things I "could have" or "should have" done. I see no point. What's done is done. We all learn from our mistakes and then we move on.

I feel no emotion when people get overly emotional toward my decisions in life. While the bonds I form with people on this Earth are strong and sincere, should they choose to walk a different path tomorrow I would kindly thank them for being in my life and wish them luck on their journey.

Life is always a journey, people will come and go from your life naturally. There is no reason to hang onto friendships if they no longer suit you. It sounds horrible, perhaps, but it's true. As we pass through stages in our life we will outgrow our friendships. Sometimes people hold us back with their dramas. Judge your friendships by quality, not quantity of years you have known each other. Sometimes you really need to let go. Literally. Don't just let go physically and hang on forever emotionally. Cut the ties, walk away and make peace with yourself. Live your own life.

I live my life knowing that if my ties are severed with anyone for any reason, be it my choice or theirs - if we are meant to be in each others lives again someday, we will be. Until then, it's a waste of time to worry about it.

Now, to illustrate the point even further - let's say I got into a relationship. If that person had a dream they wanted to follow, but put it on hold to follow me chasing my own dream - I'd encourage them to stop chasing me and start chasing their own dream because they may be happy with me but they will be miserable without their dream. I only want to be with someone if they can honestly look me in the eyes and tell me they have a dream to follow that doesn't work with the path I am on - and then have the courage to actually follow it. While most people thrive on feeling as though their partner needs them to live - I only want someone who could literally walk away from a relationship and remain a close friend without feeling worthless all because I didn't argue with the breakup. I don't want to be with someone who is going to obsess over questions like, "why isn't he miserable like I am?"

I do not believe that everyone is meant to be with one single person forever. Some are, some are not. As I said before, we go through stages in our life, through our spiritual development as well, and we meet people along the way whose energy vibrations are similar to our own. When we grow, we shift our vibrations and our friends and surroundings are sure to change. Sometimes they stay in the same place for years, sometimes not. But each person we have in our lives is someone we can learn from, someone who brings something positive to our lives during that time. There is nothing wrong with moving on when it's time. And if done right, there is no drama.

I have tried to pretend that I feel things I don't in the past - because people kept giving me sympathy. All that does is keep things in the past. I don't want sympathy. I'm not saying I don't want support - support is fantastic, but I don't want sympathy. There is a huge difference between the two. The former is progressive; the latter - regressive.

What is said regarding the way we cannot see in others what we cannot see in ourselves is true. People generally read me incorrectly because they read me by their standards of emotion and reaction. People do project their own fears and insecurities onto other people when they talk about them. Perception, experience and clarity change everything.

Life is too short.
Letting Go.
If the stars never fell...
If the stars came crashing down in a spiral of unexpected bliss, would you follow your dreams until the moment arrives where your dreams could no longer fly? Would you gather the shattered pieces as they crashed to the painted ground in an effort to define their mortality? Or would you allow them to fall and show their greatness to all people from the inside out and between the light?

I think you would.

You'd watch them falling in admiration. You'd cradle the pieces in comfort for one last moment of happiness before the final destination of destruction...

But is it truly destruction? If the stars never fell, how would we see their beauty streaking across the night's sky? How would we know they are alive if they never fell from grace?

Sometimes things must be broken in order to see their true beauty. It's not always bad to be broken. Sometimes it's what saves us.


Life is too short.
Life is too short to keep things inside; to pass up opportunities to tell the people in our lives how we feel about them. Each time I think about holding back I realize that although I think I will have the chance to change my mind later - I may not. Maybe I won't have tomorrow. Maybe they won't have tomorrow. The idea of someone I care about leaving this Earth without knowing how deeply I care about them is very unnerving for me. The idea of me leaving this Earth without people I care about knowing exactly how I feel is just as unnerving. I realize that I probably express myself too much at times and that might be annoying to some people. But that's who I am, and as hard as I try I just can't keep things inside. I'm expressive. That's just part of my life. Accept it or not, I don't think that will ever change. I try to take into account the way other people respond to and interpret what I have to say, but in the end if I have something to say it will be said.

I've taken many chances in my life with expressing myself to people who misinterpret what I have to say and who don't know how to accept compliments when I give them. That's completely understandable. I just say what I feel, and expect nothing in return. I wish that everyone could be as open as I can be at times, because I sometimes see things in people that are completely bottled up and stuffed so far down inside of them just screaming for an opportunity to be let out... but without some kind of safety net they can't. It's scary. And I can feel that.

There are so many masks that we put on when we go out into the world that sometimes we forget to take them off when we come back home.
Sometimes they're glued on - layer after layer and they feel so natural that they become a second skin. We forget they are masks. We think we're being honest. But something nags at us, telling us that something is wrong. But when we've built relationships around a mask that we mistakenly thought was part of who we really are, if we take off that mask we will appear to be a liar. Even though it was an honest mistake and we even fooled ourselves into believing that our mask was real. What do we do? Pile on more masks. Convince ourselves that it doesn't matter. We can't risk losing everything we have - we want to hang onto what we have. The thought of losing what we have is too devastating that it just simply is not an option to pull off the masks. Thus more masks are born.

But even those who become upset when they discover that we've been hiding behind a mask - are, themselves, hiding behind their own mask.

If you look at people with your eyes you'll see imperfection. You will see only what the masks allow you to see.
If you hold expectations of people you'll experience frustration and disappointment.

If you look at people with your heart and love them purely for who they are as a whole - you will find beauty in every facet of their soul and you'll not only be able to accept the traits which would otherwise cause you frustration but you'll be able to smile, genuinely, despite what goes on. You won't see what the masks allow - you will see them as if their masks don't even exist. You will be able to easily and naturally accept them the way they are. You won't even see physical traits as undesirable "but love them anyway" - no, you won't even be aware of that concept. Your brain will not process anything as undesirable. It will turn your whole world around. You'll experience a purity that you can't find through any other means.

You'll no longer feel the desire to change anyone. Even if it would benefit their self-improvement, you will encourage them when they want to take that step but you will have no desire to initiate it because you'll finally understand that you just simply cannot do it. They have to do it completely on their own.

You'll be able to see a piece of someone's soul in everything from the moon to a beautiful pink sunset with the clouds hanging low... you'll feel them in everything, and you'll finally realize that there really is no separation in this world - everything is connected. Opening yourself to real Love just helps you experience it first hand. It stops being a theory and becomes a reality.

Walls and masks, masks and walls. Are they to keep others out? Or keep ourselves in? Can others remove our masks and knock down our walls or do we do it ourselves?

Living in the moment
By holding onto the past rather than flowing with the changes in our lives and the lives of others around us, we actually create our own discomfort and pain.

We mistakenly believe that the changes that occur separate us from what we know and love and we wonder why things have to change... why can't things just stay the same so we can be happy? But it's not the changes that prevent us from being happy. It's our failure to live in the moment and accept the changes as gradual that creates our unhappiness and eventually leads to our feelings of alienation and unfamiliarity.

We spend so much time holding onto things which quickly become the past and as things gradually change around us, we don't perceive it as gradual change. Once things start changing, we cling to how things were day and night, night and day... and while the world around us adapts to the day-to-day changes life brings us... there we are, still clinging to the past. And we cling to the past until one day we can't cling to it anymore. And suddenly we feel alienated and unfamiliar with our surroundings. We blame the changes for these feelings but in reality they come from being unable to live in the moment and let go of attachment.

When we don't get what we want - we suffer. When we get what we don't want - we suffer. And even when we get exactly what we want, we still suffer because we can't hold onto it forever. But life is full of changes and the only way for us to live a life free from longing and attachment is to accept those changes day to day, as they happen rather than staying focused on the past.

It's much the same with people, too.

When we hold on so tightly to the image we have of someone we love that we invest all of our energy and love in them - as long as that image remains our love for them never fades - however, when people change, as they always do, we think we've lost the person we once loved. Really, though, we've only lost our ability to live in the moment and let go of the past.

It's hard to let go of the past. That's why living in the moment is the easiest way to live. When you never form attachments and don't hold onto the past - you'll never have to suffer the pain of having to let go.

Just Live.
Expectations & Real Love
When you love someone, you want to be special to them. You want them to care about you and you want to make a difference in their life. You want to please them, to give them the kind of love you feel they deserve. You want to love them better than the last person they were with and you want them to love you just the same. But these desires all create conditions.

You gradually start feeling like the other person is telling you, "if you want to be special to me and have my love you must meet my conditions. The moment you fail to meet those conditions is the moment you will no longer be special to me."

And so you spend your time rearranging your life to meet their conditions. There are parts of you that you hide, others you lie about. Some you shove under your bed and in the closet. Your dreams and passions that don't meet their likes are downplayed and watered down while you slowly die inside. They tell you that they love you for who you are. Mixed messages. Do they even know who you are? It doesn't matter. You love them. They love you. Love conquers all. You can talk about it later. All that matters right now is not losing them.

The moment you decide that you want to please the other person is the moment you chain yourself to the wall.

When you allow yourself to be chained, you give up all of your freedom to be yourself and pursue your own life.

Would you tell the one you love, "you are free to pursue your own interests and behave in whatever way you like?"

If you think that is too idealistic, think about it from another perspective. Isn't that what we all want to hear from everyone in our life?

What if your love interest starts to develop romantic feelings for someone else? Do you tell them they're free to pursue that?

When you're in a relationship that meets your needs then you aren't going to have the desire to pursue anything with anyone else. If you're unhappy, then your mind will wander toward what you're missing.

People are afraid to lose that kind of love, even if they are unhappy - sometimes it feels better to be unhappy than to be alone. And when problems arise, feelings aren't shared. Everything is kept inside. They build up and up... until finally one day they come out and it seems like a shock to you when you find out things aren't working out for the other person.

But you see, if you have open and honest communication to start with, you'll never end up in a situation that will blindside you like that. But it's so hard to be open and honest because everyone is fixated on gaining and holding onto the love of the other person at all costs.

"I love you for who you are" has a silent tagline of, "as long as you meet my expectations."

The moment I learned how to love people for who they are, as they are, regardless of what they offer me or bring into my life... I saw them in a different way. I learned to love them as I love the sunset for its beauty and not for the warmth it gives me.

They no longer belong to anyone, but everyone and no one.

If you love someone, allow them to be free, to be themselves. Encourage them to pursue their own interests and live out their dreams.

deal again.
Sometimes it's hard not to fall into the traps of humanity that contribute nothing but feelings of inferiority. Push them through, ignore them, let them pass. Stop comparing yourself to other people. Is it really as easy as it sounds? Sometimes. Not always.

Whatever hand life deals you, as long as you realize you can trade in your cards at anytime, you won't ever need to fold. Just keep trading them in until you get what you want. But don't trade in a pair of Jacks just because you want four Aces. It may not even be possible. And if it is, you could spend a lifetime trading in perfectly good hands just because you are greedy, wanting those four Aces.

... and don't trade in your hand blindly - take a good, hard look at it and make a solid decision. Get a second opinion if you have to.

What we want

When you are expecting something that you've waited for, for a long, long time... and the time comes and your expectations are crushed... if you readjust your point of view and your frame of mind to enjoy what is there, Here and Now, in this moment - you will no longer suffer from failed expectations. And once you have accepted things the way they are Here and Now, in the present moment, events will turn so that which you expected will come to be despite how much it seemed like an impossibility just moments earlier.

The Universe throws us all curveballs. It's up to us to accept what we're given. If we can accept what we're given (opportunities, choices, circumstances beyond our control) - if we can accept these things genuinely, we will ultimately get exactly what we want in the end.

momentary. consciousness.
sometimes the only way to know if you are truly living in the moment is to lose something you once treasured... or for circumstances and situations to change and no longer be the comfortable safe haven they once were. if you can appreciate the way things used to be, while accepting the way things currently are - and accept the fact that things may never be the way they once were - and still be happy to have experienced things the way they were before they changed... then you know you're living in the moment.

you know you're living in the moment when the present doesn't dictate how you feel about the past... when your current situation doesn't alter the meaning of past experiences just because you no longer experience them.

there are some things in this life that seem to only be meaningful if we can experience them continually; as though the constant influx creates the satisfaction and not the actual circumstance itself. if it were the actual circumstance, it would be satisfactory without repetition. but it's not. it never is.

Just live.

We're trained our whole lives that we better figure out "who we want to be" but "who we are" is mistakenly defined as what we do. He wants to be a lawyer. She wants to be an artist. He wants to be a police officer. She wants to be a scientist. And when those people step into those professions, are they now a lawyer, an artist, a police officer... a scientist? No, because if they get laid off or decide to go into a different profession, they will no longer be a lawyer, an artist, a police officer, a scientist. And yet they will still be the same person. They will use those same talents and habits and interests and apply them to their next job. The only thing that changes is what they do. It's like stepping into another skin.

There is a reason careers are also called "occupations" - they occupy you, your time, and your life. They're something to do WITH your life. But they aren't your life and they don't define you. No matter how much money you do or don't make. A little, a lot - it doesn't matter - it doesn't define you.

What we do to occupy our time will change constantly over the years, but who we are doesn't ever change. It's within us - all the time. If we want to be who we really are, it's up to us to live. That's it. That's how simple it is. Just live.

letting go doesn't mean that what we have shared has lost its meaning. im not letting go of YOU, im letting go of the situation and the current condition of our hearts. at this moment i am not what you need and you cannot be what i need. our paths crossed not long ago but have since taken different twists and turns. i let go of you for your sake as well as my own. i cannot live a lie. i cannot provide the reassurance you require for the current path you are on. i once walked a similar path and it ended in near-destruction. ironically this experience has helped pull me out of it.

i wrapped myself in the same tragedy too tightly once as well. i do hope you find your way out soon. you do have a magnmificient purpose and destiny ahead of you. but columbine is not the center of the universe and neither is dylan. you once asked me to let you know if i thought you were clinging to him too tightly, and i promised that i would. i didn't see it that way until now. your energy is so strong i had to separate myself from you to see the truth. but its a truth i saw first in myself.

letting go means not taking things personally. i don't take the way you have treated me personally anymore. i may never know how you truly feel and why you chose to avoid me. maybe you were just lazy. maybe you felt violated. i accept the fact that i may never know the truth.

so im letting go. your energy is too strong for me to hold on right now. im sorry. that's just the way it has to be. i won't end up like frankie - bruised and broken, self-destructive all because of the hold you have over him. i don't want to be that person and if i keep holding on, i will be.

Be Impeccable with your word
Be impeccable with your word.
Whenever there is idle time or an awkward moment - more expectations are silently created. Sometimes people don't realize they are making commitments with their idle chatter.

So who is to blame? Those who unknowingly make commitments they can never seem to keep? Or the situations which conditioned them to engage in idle chatter and stifled their ability to be honest?

If you feel like people expect too much from you, perhaps you should stop making promises you can't keep. Words of wisdom to live by.

Spiritual Vs. Physical Connections

I feel as though it's time to address something I have been unable to put into words until now. Physical and Spiritual attachment, connection, love etc. What is the difference and how do you know when one is stronger?

I have never been able to handle death in the ways that other people do. I don't cry, throw things around, get angry and take out my anger on everyone around me. Not through suicide, drug overdose, accidents... natural death. It doesn't matter how someone dies -- I don't react the way most people do. I hate going to funerals, not because they're depressing but because they're not a celebration of the person's life. Surely I understand that people need to grieve, but I don't see the need for most of what goes on at "modern day funerals." It actually hinders any celebration that could be taking place.

Why have an open casket funeral when the physical body is just a tool for the human spirit? The physical skin is meaningless and should not be present at any funeral, although in a closed casket it is more appropriate. Do dead bodies bother me? Hardly. I once devoured a few tacos and an iced tea while watching an autopsy that had everyone else gagging on their lunch. Do they offend me? Hardly. So... what is it? The human body is merely organic matter... cells... put together in a specific way to enable us to occupy them. Once we leave the physical body it isn't connected to us any longer. It's just organic matter. Why on Earth would we want to have a "last viewing" of someone we love in that lifeless state? That doesn't help us remember them and carry on their life. It's an image that haunts people instead of inspiring them. People hold onto the physical and are so reluctant to let go that they view funerals as a "final goodbye" and once that body is buried in the ground it's over. It's over? Hardly.

This brings me to the attachment issue... people are so attached to the physical persona that they can't handle "loss." When you "lose" someone you love, you've lost their physical touch, their physical presence, their physical voice, talks, etc. Every physical interaction with that person is gone. But what about the spiritual?

When people build connections with other people, they focus on the physical connections. They like the same kinds of boys/girls, they hang out at the same clubs, they like the same music, they have other mutual friends, they enjoy the same books, they subscribe to the same religion, they play the same instrument and maybe they have had the same struggles in life. But... what kind of lasting connection is that? When they cease to exist, you can't go to the clubs with them, you can't play chess with them, you can't horse around in the backyard and smoke Cuban cigars after a good barbecue. You can't swim in the ocean together or play video games with them. Those activities you have based your lives around die when that person ceases to physically exist.

So... why do people spend their entire lives building connections with other people that are based around physical existence? It's no wonder they can't handle physical death. They really don't have any other kind of connection. In their mind, that person is really truly gone.

No wonder they grieve for their whole lives sometimes. Now I know why they can't celebrate. There's nothing to celebrate for them. The physical connection has been broken and will never exist again. Why celebrate a lifetime of memories with someone when you'll never have them back?

We say we have 'spiritual' connections with people, but do we really? How do you know? I'll tell you. If someone dies and you don't feel empty - but completely fulfilled, loved, and full of hope - you've got a tight spiritual bond with that person. When you are connected to someone's spirit, you are connected to the essence that makes them who they are; not just the skin they used to get around.

You're not going to feel loss. You're not going to feel pain. Not the way you usually do. When you feel the loss/pain it will be accompanied by joy and hope of the highest caliber. It's not a feeling easily described. You just feel it.

Connect with the soul, and things will start to change. I promise.

Picture this. You come across a situation with a person you find extremely unpleasant. Normally you would go well out of your way to avoid this person. The programming in your head tells you to avoid them because the way they are causes you to experience anxiety, worry, pain, anger, frustration.

You want to change that person. Your brain tells you to. But if you stay there in that situation and refuse to change it you'll notice that your brain will start INSISTING that you experience anxiety, anger, frustration, etc. But they're just doing what they normally do, going about life being themselves, whether they're doing something good, bad, right or wrong. When you realize that another person might respond with positive emotions or be unaffected in this same situation - then and only then will you realize that it's your brain, your programming that insists that you react with negative emotions - not the other person.

This world continually teaches people to believe that they won't ever be happy without certain things. Money, fame, fortune, cars, bling, a house. Even those who are not materialistic believe they won't ever be happy without God, spirituality, a good reputation, friendship, love, spirituality and being well-liked by those around them.

What do you need to be happy?

Once people swallow the belief that without their particular combination of things they won't be happy, they form an attachment to it. Then they pursue it relentlessly. It consumes all of their time. Then they maintain a defense mechanism to fight off any possibility of losing it. That then creates the emotional dependence... the object of your attachment then has the power to thrill you when you have it, make you anxious when it is momentarily taken away and make you miserable when you lose it forever.

We spend our lives attempting to rearrange the world around us in order to hang onto these attachments. Once in a while it works - and for a brief moment the world caters to our wants and we are happy. But that never lasts, and once again, we become miserable.

I will say it time and time again, when we get what we don't want, we suffer. When we don't get what we want, we suffer. And even when we get exactly what we want we still suffer because we can't hold onto it forever.

Even if you are able to  hang onto 99% of your attachments, the 1% you are unable to hang onto will prey on your mind and cause you immense unhappiness and take over all of your thoughts. The 99% you are able to hang onto won't overshadow the 1% you have lost.

Attachments. They're easy to drop. Here's a tip:

Take the basket you have filled with the injustices you have been collecting over the course of your whole life and turn it upside down. Shake it. Turn it back over and refill it with your attachments. Turn it upside down. Shake it. Rinse and repeat. Voila! You're free from vengeance AND attachments at the same time!

"she collects pieces of quiet beauty that remain invisible to the rest of the world. While most people walk the streets unconsciously plucking them from their foundation of life, tossing them off to the side like trash, - she rescues a small piece, thus saving the whole from a fate of complete invisibility. sometimes a reminder of where she's been; often reminiscent of a time when her soul smiled - but always a testament to her inherent ability to find beauty in places that others take for granted."


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